almost done…
Well, I’ve almost made it through the holidays. I’m about to leave, this afternoon, to Los Angeles. Leaving San Diego with my best friend, Chris Richmond (this is a sentence fragment). Anyhow, I made it through the “family” stage relatively unharmed. I fucked up, only once. I had a year and now I don’t but that’s okay. I have a new idea of what it means to be in recovery and I feel, much more now, that I do only have today. That’s where it all counts. Enough of that. I’ll be in Los Angeles until the 30th when I fly back to Oakland. Chris and I will see some galleries, museums, and embark on some other random and zany adventures. Chris is a conceptual artist these days and no one is quite sure what to make of him. He is lucky to have such support from his family however. I have decided to pursue art as well, though I feel that the stuff I do will have more marketable, commercial applications, for better or for worse. It’s just what I’m good at, so fuck it. Right? That’s what I feel. I wonder who the fuck’s reading this shit anyway. I mean, I don’t generally read asnything by anyone I don’t know and I can’t fathom that anybody, in their right mind, would give a fuck about what I say. But I prefer writing on the internet, for some unknown reason, as opposed to writing in a journal. It seems more real and I don’t feel as though I’m talking to no one. My girlfriend and I had broken up an got back together over the course of this trip. I’ve spent and received over a thousand dollars on this trip. I’ve had more time off than I’ve had since I was in school several years ago. I have terrible allergies because my parent’s house is so dusty. I got some bitchin new records in downtown San Diego and bought Nirvana reissues in Seattle. I’ve had a good time, I suppose. I’ve come to terms with my depression and realized that it is treatable and I am not doomed to disinterest my whole life. I’ve realized, more than ever, what it is I want to do with myself. I’m still unemployed and will, most likely, not be able to begin, immediately, making a living from art. Though I know that is the direction I ought to take. Music is more cathartic and fun for me but I’m not such a romantic fool that I’m going to sacrifice my future and sanity towards pursuing such a goal as a career. Nonsense. Better to leave it a hobby. That way I’ll always enjoy it. My parent got me adobe illustrator for christmas, a surprising and very thoughtful gift which will greatly enlarge the capabilities of application of the art upon which I am currently focusing. I have received praise and encouragement for these images. I am taking a silk-screening class at the community college with the hopes of becoming better able to mass-produce (so-to-speak) t-shirts which I have made in the past, individually, and people have always liked. I will be taking a class in Flash which people expect designers to be familiar with these days (I don’t much care about it for my own purposes, but it seems like a good skill to have). I am much more on the path I see for myself and I feel, finnally, like my life is going somewhere. The moral of this story: winter break is excellent! Everyone deserves a two week period of no work in which they are free to evaluate their lives.
