Touch me I’m sick
I wake up every morning and drink several cups of very strong coffee. It’s the only way I can get enthusiastic about life or at least light hearted about what I feel like is a semi-pointless romp through existance. People drive me crazy but I hang out with them anyway because there’s nothing else to do and nowhere to do it. I like it though because it makes me feel sick. Not ill but mentally sick. So ill, mentally ill. I quit drinking and drugs so feeling sick like this is very comfotable as I’m used to the feeling after spending years of constantly numbing out. Even though I know there are things I could do to actually be happy or satisfied, this ill feeling is so familiar, and I’m so lazy, that I prefer it to actual happiness.
I think I’ll see a psychiatrist when I get back to Oakland.
